Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
