Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
