I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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