every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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