HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
