it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
this hospital has no fireball
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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