I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
