If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
