Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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