Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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