how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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