I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
