In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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