Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
