I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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