Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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