Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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