.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
