Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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