I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
God, I missed his penis.
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