We're facebook friends in real life
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
