is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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