Whod you bang
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
