I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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