Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
