Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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