I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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