i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
