The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
