hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
