I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
