Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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