our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
