I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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