Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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