the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
