Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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