Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
