I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
