you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
