Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
