So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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