I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A+ Viking dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
