i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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