she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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