she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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