one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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