I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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