so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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