so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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